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After living like this for four years the biggest challenge to our way of life is when I am pregnant. Unless absolutely necessary my husband tries to not spank me when I am pregnant, or at least not very hard. But I know he struggles with this, just as other couples we know.

I have always thought that a man can lead without spanking his wife. The problem comes of course when he is used to using this as the last resort, or as a symbol to remind the couple of who is ultimately in charge. Then when you take away that element the man can often feel powerless, like Samson without his hair.

So what can a man do in this situation. In such times my husband has lost all confidence in leading me. Normally I am used to falling back on a leading figure in my marriage but without this strength holding me up, I end up feeling exposed and vulnerable. 

What ends up happening is i end up leading myself, I subconsciously fill in the gaps that I feel are there and when my husband does step up I end up resenting it and pushing at those boundaries, just as I did in the early days.

This in turn leaves him feeling low and down trodden. It is a vicious cycle. I can't submit without him leading and he can't lead without me submitting. Our usual strong, concrete foundations of marriage seem to crumble into disarray.

So do you think a man needs to spank in order to lead his household?

12/28/2013 22:04:07

Gosh, there are so many different ways to lead.

Admittedly, most people reading this website are thinking of the "he'll hold me accountable for certain kind of behavior" leading and we're used to spanking. Part of his being a good leader may be recognizing that spanking while pregnant doesn't sound like a good option and the stress of pregnancy can add some unwanted behavior.

But to your question, we haven't tried other methods, but I'm sure there are many other consequences that would curb undesirable behavior BUT they don't sound nearly as satisfying as spanking.

I also think we should expand the definition of what is means to be a good leader and acknowledge that in our partners as well as the discipline angle - handing you a cup of tea and telling you to put your feet up while he gets the kids to bed or holding you and snuggling you are both huge.

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