You are stuck between wanting to know the concrete boundaries and not feeling like he is protecting you and supporting you and keeping you safe if he doesn't react to something that he has already said that he would, and yet you don't want a spanking, or to try and control things.
I have always thought that women who complain about their men being inconsistent are 'topping from the bottom' or still trying to lead things even though they are desperately trying to surrender power.
But when my husband says, 'I will spank you for...' or says 'I will do...if you do...' and they he doesn't it leaves you feeling very strange.
I feel shaken, like I am not sure where to tread. I don't understand the boundaries and more and those strong protecting arms around I feel weaker, and I in turn feel vulnerable.
But I don't want to complain or tell him how to lead, I want to respect his judgement and trust his decisions.
What are your thoughts.
Belle L http://bellesownway.blogspot.co.uk
"In my own situation, mostly now, I just wait patiently. If he says that something should be done differently, I tell him that I gave him the ok to address anything. This is now. In the beginning, I printed several things that seemed to explain things that I was feeling. I've even marked on the pages of what I wasn't ok with. I explained what worked and didn't work. My husband wants me to be happy and healthy. He is interested in practicing DD in a way that I need it to be, in order to be the person I want and need to be. He immediately embraced the fun, playful spankings. Discipline is harder. I think it's because there have been some really painful times in our lives, for one reason or another. He did not want to hurt me. I had to reassure him. Sometimes I did that by printing someone's else's explanation of it. In the beginning he would ask me, if this is one of those times I should get a spanking (I hate answering those kind of questions). He would tell me that he didn't know. I think he feels much more comfortable now, once he decides to punish, yet he seems to be slow to do so. I also do so much better. I don't think we have had an argument since starting DD. It seems we both watch out what we say. I am more agreeable. He is more agreeable. I wanted to be a more motivated and agreeable wife. Usually, if I get punished, it's because I was lazy and didn't do what I was suppose to do. He will always ask me how I was feeling, if I hurt more anywhere that day. Then he will ask why I didn't do what I was suppose to do, if I wasn't having problems. If he tells me to go to bed, or to do something right then, I will right then or ask if I can do it differently. I obey. He is not by any means unreasonable. He works. I stay at home and do not work near the hours that he does. I crave his discipline because I self-loath if I am unproductive. I hope this answered the question." -Belle L.
"Trust in him, let him lead his way but if you're not happy then talk to him, tell him how you feel, respectfully. I am always torn between 'yeah I got away with that' and 'you want to live this way so come on, take charge'."
"Ok, I'll tell you what I think. If you're going to have this arrangement, it's important to be as consistent as possible--acknowledging that it isn't always going to be. Now about your input. I've always been happy to receive input. I'm clearly in charge. Lynda can say what she needs to say. But I decide. If the top is in the right mindset, the bottom can't really do the directing. She could try I guess... I'm in charge because of who I am and what I do, whatever anybody may say. "