Dear Head of the House,
Your wife has gathered up the courage to ask something of you that you never saw coming. Please understand how vulnerable she is making herself simply by bringing up the subject. She’s hoping you won’t think less of her. And she certainly doesn’t want to be ridiculed.
She would never have come to you with this if it weren’t for two things. First, she needs you very much. She’s tired of going it alone and trying to live according to a cultural standard that just doesn’t work for her. She picked you for her mate because you have strength that she especially needs. Second, she trusts you. She knows that if you take on this role, it might be painful for her at times, but she knows she’ll be safe in your hands.
She trusts you. She needs you. What more does a man need to launch him into action? These are the things that touch the core of our souls and inspire us to be and do whatever it takes to fulfill our responsibility.
Are you man enough?
I’m not telling you to be bullying or violent. I’m not telling you to motivate her with rage and intimidation. I’m suggesting that you need to lead this relationship. Take the initiative and recognize what the needs of the marriage are. Show some confidence in directing how you and she will live with each other.
Spanking won’t work for most women, but yours has asked you for it. What are you going to do?
There are specific reasons why a woman wants/needs her husband to use spanking as a partial means to enforce his leadership.
She needs to know that you’re strong enough to be the leader. She doesn’t like being in the leader’s position. She’ll do it if it’s needed. In fact, many men have abdicated their role as leaders and have taken on a passive, even disinterested position, waiting for the woman to tell them what to do for the relationship. The woman will step into the empty position that you’re not filling, but unless the husband is incapacitated with illness or injury, she resents it.
However, giving up the leadership position isn’t always easy. She needs you to demonstrate that you are in charge. For some, a spanking firmly establishes both your roles.
Women don’t like to be nags. In fact, they really hate it. They hate it so much that they’ll sometimes graduate from nagging to bitchy (sorry ladies). They don’t want to be your momma and they don’t want you to be a little boy. They want a lover and a leader.
Of course, it can become a habit to nag. Perhaps they were raised with parents where the woman had to nag. If you are head of the household, take initiative in making things right in the house, the home, and the marriage. Part of that role is insisting that you be treated with respect, just as you should treat her with respect. Sometimes that means correcting long term behavior—like nagging. And when it has been mutually agreed on, spanking is used to make that correction.
Spanking is for discipline. Sometimes it’s for punishment but also for direction. It’s a means of helping the woman do those things that are important for her welfare as well as for the welfare of the home. Some men spank their wives if they don’t take care of themselves though exercise, diet, etc. I sometimes spank my wife if she hasn’t done enough artwork—because that’s something that’s really good for her. I also use spanking if she neglects her daily tasks because it keeps the house, her world, and our lives in order. Spanking keeps the chaos at bay.
There are things your wife should be doing. You both know it. But she needs your leadership to get her moving. If she has told you spanking helps her do it, then be grateful you have a definite means of action to improve your lives.
Spanking resets her. Women have to struggle in ways that we can’t imagine when it comes to hormones. The monthly cycle that really isn’t that regular, PMS, pre-menopause, then menopause—I don’t how all that feels but I see that it can drive them crazy. Even after years, we’ll get surprised by the emotional storm that can come from our sweet ladies. Most men adopt a “duck and cover” mode. Some men react meanly with ridicule and reactionary anger. But what they really need is for us to recognize that they are struggling, face their emotional storm calmly without getting offended, and take action.
In a DD relationship, spanking is used to stabilize the woman during these hormonal storms. Many women have written in their blogs about how much it helps them get through the worst of it. Of course, you have to take an experimental approach. Some things work, some don’t.
Some people think spanking helps a woman with her depression and there’s some talk out there that research has indicated this to be true. My own wife has suffered from depression and in addition to counseling, getting medication, exercise, and rest, I added spanking. If she didn’t feel like getting up after I told her to, she got a spanking. If she languished on the couch and didn’t do her work because she felt so awful, unless she was really sick, she got a spanking. I once spanked her pretty hard three times in one day (the closest I came to actually bruising her). But I haven’t done it since because she hasn’t been so terribly depressed since then.
It was a gamble, but it worked.
Spanking brings conflict to an end and helps you move on. I have a rule for myself. If I’ve spanked my wife for something she did wrong, I can’t bring it up again the next time I’m upset about something—that’s a petty, passive aggressive form of punishment. BTW, when you do something wrong, be the leader, own up to it, and correct it without anyone telling you.
But shouldn’t SHE do these things on her own without my insisting on it? If she loves me why can’t she act like she should on her own?
When she asks for your help by spanking her, she’s done something pretty drastic, don’t you think? She’s telling you that your life together is so important that she’ll take your direction.
I’m going to go ahead and say it although it sounds terribly chauvinistic: We husbands are supposed to be the leaders. We’re supposed to show some strength and take on this role. I’m not claiming that we’re better—far from it. But we are supposed to do what we were designed to do and that’s to lead the family.
Spanking your woman, even if she has given overall consent, is not easy. She’s not going to make it easy. She’ll argue, get mad, then be mad afterwards. Don’t expect her to say, “Right honey. I know I deserve this. I appreciate your doing this for me.” But she does. You have to be strong enough to override her resistance. It’s part of earning her respect.
Spanking is an intimate activity. It’s private. It requires vulnerability. It hurts. It helps. It might lead to sex, but it might not. It requires your wisdom, restraint, and courage. And it’s not for everybody.
But if your wife has asked for it, you should consider stepping up to do it.